you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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