You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
