that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
