i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
