dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
