I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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