but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
did i walk over a car last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
