i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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