i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
