I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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