life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
