Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
whose parrot is this?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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