no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
