Well douche your snatch and let's go!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
