is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
