my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
