so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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