i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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