And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He? As in you personified your dick?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
