My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
