It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
