just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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