i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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