i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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