If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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