3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
