we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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