I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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