i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
