So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
