I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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