so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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