Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
