i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
