we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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