i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
