Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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