Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
