He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
