It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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