u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you had me at cake vodka
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
