dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
