im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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