I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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