That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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