Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
