Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Randomize
