I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
