After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
