the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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